I love my
job—it’s the best job in the world, but sometimes circumstances, seasons, the
economy—all conspire to make it harder and more frustrating. Then I get cranky,
and I hate being cranky! It’s not who I want to be. So what is making me cranky,
you might ask? How about:
· We are coming into the Christmas
season and our ability to help families is limited, as usual. Our Christmas
list filled up in 3 days this year! That is unheard of and I wish we could help
more. Saying no to hurting families makes me hurt.
· Our building is too small. It always
has been, but it is getting worse because we are getting busier. Seeing thirty
families in a day used to be a busy day. Now seeing thirty families is a slow
day—we are routinely helping 45-60 families each day we are open. This makes
for crowded conditions, people standing and waiting too long—all of this makes me
extremely frustrated, as does the lack of a public restroom and a space for the
children to play.
· As we are becoming better known in
the community, people are finding us to donate their leftovers to. I know that
may sound harsh, but often our donations lately have been just garbage—old,
stained, smelly clothing, broken toys and house wares and out of date food. My volunteer
staff is VERY upset about this, which upsets me.
· The sheer volume of donations coming
in is overwhelming us in several areas. We simply have no more room for storing
stuff that won’t get used right away, so we are constantly shifting bags and
boxes of donations from place to place. We have over 20 volunteers who work at
sorting and hanging clothing and we still aren’t keeping up. This is the source
of a huge amount of my crankiness!
· I can be a little OCD about how I want
things to look on the shelves, where and how food should be stored….the list
goes on. My mind seems to work better with order and I have spent a
considerable amount of time lately trying to create order in one small area
after another. When I have spent the morning tidying up the shed or the kitchen,
and come in the next day to find the area all messed up again, my crankiness
quotient goes through the roof!!
So, other
than venting to all of you, what am I doing about my lack of understanding and
patience? Well, I have spent some time emailing back and forth with a fellow
social service provider who totally understands and sympathizes with me. She made
a lovely point that I then took to prayer---we are not only called to serve
others by our faith, but Jesus expects us to serve with a joyful heart. Then,
last night at mass, Father Scott said something that resonated with me—he said
we cannot be open to receiving Christ if we are full of ourselves. I immediately,
in my mind, made the change to “we cannot serve Christ if we are full of
ourselves”. As anyone who reads my blog knows, the central focus of our service
at Hope House is that we are serving the body of Christ in each and every person
who comes through that door, and each individual should be treated as we would
treat Him. So when I get caught up in my crankiness, my desire for perfection
and order; when I expect others to “hop to it” and do it my way; and when I fret
over space and donation problems, I am full of myself! Where is there room for
Christ in all of that? The only thing I need to remember is to leave it all
with Him, and it will all work out.
As for that
joyful heart—how can I not have one with my great job?
